Is it a Happy New Year?
Larry David says we should stop saying happy new year by January 11, at the risk of upsetting Larry, Happy New Year!
Or is it?
It hasn't been a particularly happy one for me. Nothing bad has happened. Life is pretty good. I have nothing to worry or complain about and yet I have been in a fog this past week.
Thankfully I notice when I am there, I see the familiar signs of my low moods. I notice how my language changes, I start using words like 'never' and 'always'. I notice how difficult everything looks. What felt possible one day, now seems insurmountable. Clarity and focus are replaced with self-doubt and indecision. I dawdle because I am not sure which is the best way to go. I let my anxious thinking override my common sense. And the more I am in the fug of that thinking, the more I make it mean something about me.
Why does this have to be so hard?
Why do I always get stuck?
I don’t know what to do, what if I am not cut out for this?
And so the thinking goes.
And so this past week, knowing what I know about moods and that I am literally just experiencing my thoughts, I observed what was happening. I noticed how much I bought into those thoughts. They felt very real, I felt down and insecure and unsure of myself, and naturally that led me to make the experience mean something, to say something about who I am.
I am not in a low mood because anything has changed in my world, or my situation. I am in a low mood because I am at a lower level of consciousness. I am not seeing things clearly. I am in a valley rather than on a peak. And so I lose sight of what is real and true about who I am and what I want. And that's understandable. These are familiar thoughts that I have had for many years and so they seem more real and more compelling. They have a depth of history that makes it hard for me to see past the illusion they crearte.
Thought in itself is entirely neutral. There are thousands of thoughts that flow through our minds every day. My low mood thoughts are no more real or valuable or serious than the thought of what to have for lunch, or where to walk the dog. It’s the meaning we attribute to them that gives them weight, that makes them positive or negative, that allows them to have an impact on us.
But I know, that as my consciousness lifts, as I naturally come out of the valley, I will see things more clearly, more expansively, and the low mood will dissipate as my thinking shifts.
Have you ever been to San Francisco? It's a beautiful city, with hills, and trolly cars, and beaches and bridges. You can wake up to a beautiful day, the sun shining high in the blue sky. The ocean shimmers in its glare. There is warmth and hope and the day seems full of possibility. You smile at strangers. You feel open to new possibilities. You feel energized and ready to take on the world.
And then boom!
Out of nowhere, this dank, grey fog rolls in off the ocean, and suddenly, it turns cool, you can't see the ocean anymore, you can't see very much at all. You are in a fog and everything seems more difficult, hopeless. You can't see a clear way forward and so you constrict within yourself. You become insular, consumed by your worrisome, doubtful, anxious, tense thoughts and you retreat inwards.
And that is what a low mood is like, that's the impact it can have on your outlook.
But the good news is, the sun is still shining. It didn't go anywhere. And so when this fog of thought passes through, the experience of it will too and you will return to seeing more clearly. Things will seem possible and achievable and easy again.
I learned a lot from my low mood this week. I realized that I was feeling the unease of wanting something but not moving it forward. I want to create a successful, effective coaching practice, I want to serve people, I want to be really good at what I do. But I also want to stay in my comfort zone. Sometimes building a business seems scary and difficult. But the desire to do it is still there because I know deep down this is my purpose, this is the right path for me. So I think I got caught between the push and pull of these two competing needs. I also noticed this last week how I sought out support from others, I researched, I read, I watched. I gave myself time. Even in the midst of the fog - I enjoyed myself. There were wonderful moments still; a walk with my husband and dog on a sunny morning, or catching up with friends, and connecting with people, there were glimmers of light shining through the cloud. It also led me to some inspiration - to start to journal again. To write my Top Three Things every night, because when I do that, it steers my attention toward the wonderful things I have in my life. Gratitude always feels good in the shadow of a low mood.
And then it passed.
I was back on the peak of the mountain and I had this burst of energy this week. I wrote my business plan. I got organized and it felt amazing to be in action, to leverage the clarity and perspective I had this week to make real progress in my business.
No one can tell you what to do about your low moods. It’s helpful to understand them and to recognize when they are here. And when you do recognize them, to remember that your thinking is unreliable Things are going to look difficult and hard, but when that mood lifts, you will find your path forward. Low moods are normal. It’s natural to experience peaks and troughs in life. That’s part of the deal of being human, there are times when you are going to be in the fog. There is nothing wrong with any of these experiences unless you make it so. And it will pass. It's not foggy in San Francisco every day. But your own intuition will guide you to do things that are helpful. Some people love to run, do yoga, meditate. Other's bake, watch a movie or go for a walk. Whatever you feel is helpful to do, will come to you, and so be guided by your own intuition. Listen to your own self, to point you to what you need, if anything.
The one thing I know is that as I come out of the low mood, I gain a different perspective on it. I understand it better with hindsight. As I move back up the mountain, I see the experience more expansively. I am better able to see through the illusion that my thinking created.
The key thing to remember is the sun is still there, shining above the clouds. It’s untainted by the passing weather, just like you are untainted by the passing experience.
And to steal a saying from Larry David, life looks "pritt-ay, pritt-ay good" when the fog rolls back out to the ocean.
Wishing you a wonderful new year, wherever you are, whether you are in a valley or standing atop a mountain. Both are perfectly normal places to be. Enjoy the ride of being human!
Free Discovery Call
Do you know someone who is living life a little out of balance? Is their work taking a toll on their personal life? Do they struggle to switch off, to sleep at night? Do they lose sight of their own value and worry they are not doing enough or being impactful enough despite the hours they are putting in?
We live in a culture of always being on the go. We measure our worth by our work and when work gets to be too overbearing, it can leave us feeling unfulfilled and drained.
I am offering free discovery calls for anyone who might benefit from some support. Before you give up on the job, let’s see if there are some other ways of striking a better balance.
A Final Thought
I realized something this week about my own personal power and how to have a greater impact. It’s seeing more clearly what I know to be true and when sharing it with others, to speak of it from a place of conviction and certainty, to speak of what I see with such clarity that it’s hard for my clients not to see what I am pointing to. And that is why I am so inspired by Michael Neill. When he speaks, and I listen, I see something that always leaves me feeling hopeful and more at peace with myself.
I love his podcast, Caffeine for the Soul. These are short, 7 or 8 minutes episodes that speak to my soul.
I am sharing this episode because it ties into recognizing that you are experiencing your thinking. So powerful. Enjoy.
Caffeine for the Soul - The Easiest way to Change your Life for the Better.
