Making decisions from a healthy place
I quit my job in April. I worked in the corporate world for 20 years and to be honest the last 3 years hadn't been that enjoyable. I struggled with the pressure, the stress, the constant need to perform. Fundamentally work is based on a judgment of your performance in comparison to everyone else and I felt resentful of that judgment. I was good at what I did, but I was tired of playing a game I didn't want to win.
I had plenty of signs that it was time to move on. I was working long hours, in back-to-back meetings, dealing with the usual challenges that come with any job. But rather than feel excited by the opportunity to solve the latest problem, I felt heavy. I didn't have that drive like I used to. Earlier in my career, I had been very motivated to want to be successful, to be seen as being good at what I did. I loved to get that validation and it made the hard work worth it. But I didn't have the drive to rise further. I knew that if I kept climbing the ladder, only more stress, pressure, and expectation would come.
So if I wasn't trying to climb the ladder and I wasn't really enjoying my work, then what was I doing all this for?
Should I quit and do something else? Or is my stress just a reflection of my mindset about work?
As a Three Principles Apprentice Practitioner, I know my experience is coming from inside me. It's not ‘work’ that is making me stressed, it's my thinking about work that is creating the tension and anxiety. Knowing that to be true, I believed that if I could change my thoughts about work, I could have a different experience of it. If it was my thinking that created my stress, then just stop thinking the stressful thoughts and you will be ok. I tried that for a while, it didn't work. I still felt stressed.
I sat with this decision for a long time. I would feel the most urgency to answer it when work felt more demanding, or I felt frustrated and tired. Deep down, I knew this wasn't a good place to make a decision from. When you are stressed out, you are not thinking broadly enough. Your ideas are limited, your focus gets fixed on what's wrong. It can lead to knee-jerk reactions.
I took some time off over Christmas. My husband and I had bought a small stone cottage on Whaley Lake and it was such a joy to be close to the water. It was nice to have some time away from my laptop, and meetings, and work. It gave me time to settle.
On Christmas Day we lost power. Ever resourceful my husband and I cooked an amazing meal of Chicken Tikka Masala on our gas barbecue! We ate Christmas dinner, under the light of our rechargeable bulbs, and toasted each other's resilience. It was in that moment of feeling good that we had a conversation about my job. We talked about what it would be like if I didn't work anymore. We talked about life and what was important to us. For me, freedom had become hugely valuable because I felt like I had so little of it. We talked about my passion for coaching and my curiosity about making a career out of it. We talked about the financial repercussions. We looked at many aspects of our lives that would be impacted if I finished work, both the good, the bad, and the indifferent. But we did so in a calm, nonjudgmental way. It was in this clarity of mind that we agreed I would finish my job in the spring. Once I made the decision, it felt so right. Like it was meant to be.
I came to realize that I hadn't failed at work because I couldn't make myself think differently about it. I realized that my thinking stressful thoughts were an indicator. It was a red light flashing on the control panel telling me something was out of balance. It was helping me see that I wasn't happy, that it was time for a change. But I couldn't make that decision and feel good about it in the midst of that stressful thinking. Letting things settle a little, waiting until I was in a calm, peaceful, and relaxed state, gave me the clarity I needed to see my path forward.
I finished my corporate job in April. I haven't questioned my decision once. I haven't doubted myself or worried that I made a mistake. Instead, I know I am on the right path because I feel in balance, in alignment. I don't know how it will all unfold, but I am pointing myself in the direction of building a coaching practice and enjoying the unfolding of it.
So the message is, if you are feeling down, tired, stressed, anxious, and feel an urgency to make a change or a decision. Try and pause a while. Your feelings are telling you something is out of balance. But you won't have the clarity of mind to see what that is when you are stressed or in a low mood.
Do something else to take your mind away from it. Let the stress pass and when you are feeling in a good place when your mind is clear and you have more clarity, then see what comes up. Be curious and kind. What is this feeling telling me? Take the 10,000ft view of your situation and ask yourself, what would a wise person do? Even better talk to someone who will really listen and guide you to find the answer that lies within.
Curious about coaching?
How often have you been in conversation with someone who really listens to you? Where the listener doesn't tell you what to do. They don't judge you in any way and they don’t turn the conversation onto themselves? That's the power of a coaching conversation. Someone who listens, but really listens at a deeper level to help you gain a new understanding of yourself and your situation. It is with that new understanding you can see your way forward.
If you are curious and want to experience a powerful coaching conversation without any expectations, then feel free to contact me at melanie@therestorativecoach.com to schedule a complimentary session.
See life through a new lens
Are you interested in understanding how your beliefs and perceptions, the lens through which you see the world, influence how you show up on a good day, versus how you respond to stress?
I am certified to run a proprietary attitudinal assessment that helps you gain new insight into your experience. After the debrief, clients are empowered with a new level of understanding, which positions them to make different choices in how they view themselves and their situation. The Energy Leadership Index Assessment can be the first step toward making positive changes in your life.
It costs $195 and includes the cost of the online assessment, a 90 minute debrief that is tailored to your results and a write-up of the insights and opportunities for you to keep.
Contact me at melanie@therestorativecoach.com to learn more.
Further Exploration
This short video by Michael Neill is a great illustration of the power we have to craft our experience. We are not a victim of our thoughts or our situation. With awareness, we get to choose what we draw, what we focus on, whether we choose to turn the page or dwell on something that makes us feel bad.
