What if You Are Already Everything You Want to Become

I have a belief that by the time my hair goes grey, I will be a masterful coach.

When I look back on the last two weeks, there have been a lot of signs and clues that I am already what I am trying to become.

Last Thursday, I was on a call with a client and as we both logged into Zoom, she asked me if I had lightened my hair. I smiled and said no, it's just all the grey coming through.

During the pandemic, I didn't go to the hairdressers for several months. I got to this halfway point where my roots were as long as my dyed hair. When the hairdressers reopened, I had a decision to make. Do I keep going or dye it again?

I decided to let my natural hair color return, I grew out the dye!

It was around the same time my hair was half grown out, that I was halfway through my coach certification program. I remember at some point over the last 3 years making a connection between my mastery as a coach and my hair turning fully grey. It was an inspiring image to me.

I shared that with my client, and she laughed. "What!", she exclaimed. "You are already a masterful coach."

I blushed and felt the sincerity of her words.  

Later that same day, I met with my coach (the wonderful and talented Dorothy Martin). I excitedly gave her an update on what I had been exploring since we last met. I felt my coaching had gone off the rails this past year so I have been focused on enhancing and refining my skills. I was committed to becoming a masterful coach.

I recently come across a free program that I was finding helpful to bring my coaching back to the fundamental elements (Dominic Scaffidi's Coaching Basics). As a result of the program, I discovered a woman called Haesun Moon. She is a communication scientist and developed a coaching model orientating the client to focus on solutions and what they want more of in life.   

I love it when I stumble across a new model or perspective on coaching. Haesun's approach is incredibly simple but hugely impactful. When you focus conversations on problems, then that's what you tend to get, more problems, and the client's energy drops. When you listen to people and hear solutions, possibilities, and strengths in their words, your questions tend to point the client in that direction. And with that, the client considers what's possible, what they want, and what they already have. Those words resonated with me, and I started to see the impact that small shift in direction had on my clients.

So here I am, bursting at the seams with inspiration about all this great stuff I am learning and applying and how it's helping me on my journey to become a masterful coach. Dorothy listened and smiled, my energy was infectious. But she wasn't buying my story about only being masterful when my hair turned grey. She knew it wouldn’t be that helpful for her to just tell me that. She guided me to see it for myself.

She invited me to do a visualization exercise. I closed my eyes and she transported me to the future, to my 90th birthday party. Dorothy asked me to describe what I saw, what was I wearing, and who I was with. Next, she described the doorbell ringing and guided me to walk through the party and answer it. On the other side of the door are all the people I have worked with over the years. "What are they saying to you?" Dorothy asked. "How did your work impact them?"

I noticed they were smiling and I realized that a small part of their smile was because of the work we did together. I noticed they felt a little lighter, a little freer, they looked strong and resilient and hopeful. They seemed to be fulfilled by their lives, they looked content. As our eyes met, I recognized a look of warmth and appreciation. I realized that our work together had not only impacted their lives, it had not only helped them to know who they really are and what they really are, but it impacted the lives of the people around them, their children, and their partners.

And then Dorothy asked me, "What does your 90-year-old self want you to know, sitting here now?"

And it hit me. I felt this amazing shift in my being.

“She wants me to know that I am already amazing, brilliant, and impressive. That I am living my best life. That the last 47 years have been preparation for this moment. All those experiences I had, all those challenges and insecurities I went through when I was young, the struggle and stress with my job, none of it was about me having an amazing career in IT. It was preparation for today. Leaving my corporate role, creating a business, and learning a new profession, were all positioning me to better serve the people I am working with now and in the future.” I replied.

“I couldn't have done what I am doing now, as well as I am doing it, without that history and depth of experience, without having worked through those challenges and insecurities.”

In talking with another client last week, she remembered quite clearly how great a leader she was in high school. She led a sports team, people looked up to her and she felt confident, assured, and loved looking out for her team. It came naturally to her. She had been reflecting on her leadership ability recently, but she realized she had always been a strong leader and that it wasn't a case of trying to become one, but more a case of peeling back the layers, to reveal the one she already is.  

"Sports don't build character, they reveal it." A distant memory of being told this by her school sports coach bubbled up out of nowhere. Further confirmation of what she was seeing as true in that moment. She smiled. It was lovely to see this realization wash over her, and as it did, the tension of trying to be something left her body as she realized she already was. 

Do you see how it all fits together, how all these different things happen and percolate to create this one big message - I am already there?

Just in case I hadn’t fully received this message, the universe spelled it out for me again.

Yesterday I had a second tarot reading with a wonderful coach Kay Lock Kolp. As we drew each card she spread them out into an arc. The first card was a representation of where I am now. The second is what challenges me, and the third is how to overcome those challenges. The arc then moves on to what my next step is, how mystery helps me, and where I want to be.

Death was the first card. Holy moly was my initial reaction, but as we looked at the card and its meaning, we learned that it’s a representation of the vast changes I am experiencing. A metamorphosis: Physically, spiritually, and professionally. This is a powerful and poignant card and not one to be taken at face value.

There were 3 more major arcana's drawn - the World, the Tower, and the last card - where I want to be, was the Priest.

The following is paraphrased from Elizabeth Gill's interpretation of the Priest:

The Priest helps develop inner perception, the ability to see the higher elements in ordinary things. The Priest is beyond mere dogma, representing the inner light of guidance. He stands on the bridge between our known experience and the land beyond. He links the solar and lunar forces and is a channel or communicator. The priest is someone who can bridge between the visible and the invisible, he represents the inner light of guidance. He is a guide, a helper.

It doesn't matter if you believe in tarot. I am not advocating it, but it was such a clear representation of the journey I am on. Not just the Priest, but the process I am going through to become that. Of course, I want to be that priest, I want to be a guide, to help others see their inner light, to see the wisdom and joy in life. There is a process I am navigating, not to become a masterful coach, but to peel back the layers, to reveal what I already am and what I already have. That was the story the cards were reflecting back to me. Those layers are beliefs that I am not there yet, a habit of being humble, and playing down my skills and abilities. A default of focusing on what I need to learn. A habit of consuming content, and other people's ideas. It was an invitation to step into my own power, to see what I already am, and to trust my wisdom, and intuition.

I don't need to wait for my hair to go grey to become what I already am.

When Dorothy brought me back from the visualization she asked me, "Who and how would you BE with your clients at work and your loved ones at home if you knew in the depth of your heart that you already are everything that you want to be?

I smile as I ponder the answer to that question. But I redirect that question to you, the reader. What do you want to become? Do you see evidence that you are already there? Do you see how it’s a process of revealing what is already true? Or are there still some layers clouding that for you? Who would you BE, and how would you show up differently, if you acknowledged and recognized that you are already there, what you already are?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

An Invitation - Three Free Sessions

If you would like support in peeling back some of the layers of your conditioning and habits to reveal your truth, the truth of who and what you already are then let’s chat. A coaching conversation is an effective way to create clarity and discover the next step on your journey.

I am offering three free coaching sessions to give you a taste of the power and impact coaching can have on your life.

Contact me at melanie@therestorativecoach.com and we can find a time to meet.

Resources

Haesun Moon’s Book

If you are a leader, a parent, a coach, a teacher, or have any interaction with another human being, please do check out Haseun Moon's book - Coaching A to Z: The Extraordinary Use of Ordinary Words. It's an exceptional handbook on how to have better conversations and draw out the best in others.

Dorothy Martin

Dorothy is an outstanding coach and the best investment I have made in my business so far. If you are curious to learn more about her work, check out her website here: https://www.dorothymartin.co.uk/

Free Coaching Basic’s Program

For anyone who trained as a professional coach and then came across the three principles understanding of how the mind works, like me, you may have shifted too much into teacher mode and a little too far away from what it means to be an effective coach. Dominic Scaffidi is an ICF-accredited Master Certified Coach and also a practitioner of the Three Principles. In his free program, he helps you understand how to balance the two. His Coaching Basics program can be found here.

Kay Lock Kolp

Kay is a wonderful person and coach. I am thankful for her friendship and care. The motto she lives her life by is a quote from Albert Einstein “Play is the highest form of research.” That pretty much sums up Kay’s essence; playful, creative, and an adventurer at heart.

https://www.kaylockkolp.com/