Back From the Future
It's a year since I left my career in insurance behind. A year of no longer working for someone else. A year without bi-weekly wages, and back-to-back meetings. I had no idea what lay ahead when I said my goodbyes on April 23, 2021. But here I am, a year on.
It’s helpful to look back on that time, to the other side of my decision to make a change. When we are navigating major life changes, the decision-making process can feel challenging. We naturally worry about making a mistake. We worry about stepping into the unknown. What if it doesn’t work out? What if I don’t like it? What if I end up regretting it? So we approach the decision wanting a feeling of certainty and, when we don’t find it, we stay still. We wait. We want to KNOW, before we take a step.
When I made the decision to try a new career, I had already taken many steps before my last day at work. I had become certified as a coach. I had my ACC accreditation through the ICF, and I had practice coaching. Leaving my job felt like a natural step, because I had already started the journey. But when I asked myself those ‘what if’ questions, I didn’t know if it would work out, and I still don’t. What I did know is that it was up to me to create the narrative, and it was up to me to create my next career.
I think that’s one major lesson I have learned this past year, to trust myself. To trust that if I put my time and attention on something, stuff will happen. To trust myself to learn, to keep showing up, and to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
This one year milestone has me reflecting: What advice would I give myself if I could go back to 2021. And following on from that, what would my future self come back and tell me now?
Going Back In Time
When I reflect back to April 23, 2021, my last day at work, what would I want my old self to know?
That you have everything you need to do this thing you want to do. You can trust yourself. You will learn what you need to learn when you need to learn it. Yes, it can feel strange stepping into the unknown, but the unknown is full of possibility and curiosity. It’s an opportunity to break free of the old insecure habits and constraints you have lived within. It’s an opportunity to have a richer, more meaningful experience. You will learn how to write, how to create content, you will learn how to build a website and how to form an LLC. It will all come in time, one step at a time. I would tell myself to focus on doing what makes sense to you in the moment and start to revel in the natural unfolding of this new path you are on. You are going to be nervous, and you are going to feel uncomfortable but they are not indicators you are doing the wrong thing, they are indicators of you leaning into the edge of your comfort zone. I will tell myself, confidence is not a pre-requisite to doing something new, it’s what you gain after you have done it. There will be days when things are going to feel hopeless and days when you will question yourself, but those days will be rare and those experiences will pass, and you will learn the most from them. I will tell myself to enjoy it. You are going to meet some incredible people, make new friends and bring life to existing friendships. Life is for living. Slow down, enjoy the journey. Mastery is a process, not an outcome.
Reflecting on this was helpful, because it’s what I need to hear now, today. These words are as meaningful to me now as they would have been a year ago.
Your Future Self
I was listening to a Tara Brach podcast last week and she spoke about a deep desire that lies within us to realize our full potential. There is a pull toward our future self, to our evolutionary potential, that draws us toward being more aware, and more awake to who and what we are. It’s a call to notice the nuanced ways in which our conditioning and our habits bind us up, hold us back and create suffering. It’s by noticing those habits of thought, those stories you tell yourself, those made-up limitations, that we can consciously start to let them go.
In the recording, Tara guides you to travel into the future (it’s around 30 minutes into the recording). To go forward in time, 10, 20 years, however long, and meet your future self. What do you look like? What does it feel like to be in your future self’s presence? What feelings do they bring forward in you? You are then invited to reflect on whatever it is that is occurring in your life right now, the challenges you have, the decision you are wrangling over, or worries you are pondering and to seek guidance from your future self. What words of wisdom does your future self have for you? What do they want you to hear, to know?
When I did this, I felt an incredible amount of warmth and support from my future self. I noticed a slight smile, the kind of knowing smile that maybe a parent gives a child, it’s a reflection of the innocence they see in me today. What does my future self want me to know? That it’s all going to be ok. It will all work out. Maybe not as I think it will, but it will work out and I will have everything I need along the way. My future self invites me to trust myself more, to settle, to not worry. To step back and look at the big picture, because that is always a good place to look at life from. Most importantly my future self tells me they have my back, they are always there looking out for me.
I felt very grounded and reassured after this exercise.
What Would Your Future Self Say to You?
Try it for yourself. If you are pondering a change, if you are feeling stuck, or a little stressed and overwhelmed, what would your future self, come back and say to you? What advice would you give yourself in the here and now? What would they want you to know?
How does it feel after you do this exercise?
The reason why this exercise is so powerful is because it raises our consciousness. It invites you to get out of the thinking that’s creating the feeling you are currently in. Whenever we step back, we gain a broader perspective. When you look back on your life, you can see how it has unfolded, how it has worked out. It would have worked out whether you had suffered and struggled and stressed and lost sleep over it. This exercise is powerful because it reminds you to let go of the minutia that is binding you up in a lot of doubt and worry. It’s powerful because you really feel that things will work out and that knowledge brings relief.
It’s powerful because we see there really are no mistakes, there are no decisions that you can take that you can’t pivot from and the experience you gained from taking the decision will be more valuable than any possible regret.
Email me and share any insights or reflections. Was this a helpful exercise and if so, how did it help?
Would you like some support in navigating a decision? Contact me and let’s chat, I can help. melanie@therestorativecoach.com
