Where the Magic Happens
In my last newsletter, I talked about the missing link between an external event and our internal experience. That missing link is thought. We are experiencing our thinking 100% of the time.
Our thoughts are like a buffer between the outside world and our internal experience. We get to choose how we want to perceive the external world, and how we want to respond to people and stressors. But thought is a buffer the other way around as well. What I mean by that is we live within this layer of thought and it can be all-consuming. It can be so distracting that it takes our attention away from what is happening in our lives and to the people around us.
We get lost in this made-up reality created by our thoughts.
Have you noticed how you can tune out and miss an entire conversation, or drive home and not really remember any of the journey? Or be so consumed by your worries of how you can contribute to a meeting, that you don’t really hear what other people are saying and then you can’t contribute because what if it’s already been said!? Ahh, the drama our minds create!
When we become so entranced by the experience our thoughts create, it's easy to lose touch with the outside world. We become disconnected from those around us and in some respects we become disconnected from life as it's unfolding.
Horizontal Thinking
The thing about our mind is that it has a tendency to focus on the stuff that hasn't happened yet, or things that have already gone by.
"Horizontal thinking" is where our thoughts become either past-focused (rumination, regret, and wishing things had been different) or future-focused (worry, anxiety, fear-based thoughts).
Future and past-based thinking takes our attention away from the here and now and that is really where the magic happens.
The more distracted we are by this horizontal thinking, the more we tend to focus on problems, on things that have gone wrong or things that might go wrong. Problems are like an itch, the more we scratch away at them, the more we notice another itch, and then another, and another.
I was chatting with an old work colleague this week and he was discussing how he wanted to speak more in meetings. He observed his peers adding value with their intelligent comments and believed his silence might be holding him back. The funny thing is, the more he thought about what he might say, or how it might be perceived, the less present he was to what was happening in the room. So it makes sense, that he struggled to come up with something relevant to say as his attention was elsewhere. Do you see how distracting that is and rather than listening and observing what is going on in the room, we get consumed by our own insecurities, thus limiting our ability to do the very thing we are worried about trying to do?
Our brains are like a laser beam - when you point your attention in a direction and keep the focus on that one thing, it charges up and up and up in power, and all these ideas and inspiration start to pour through. But when we are constantly distracting ourselves with our thinking, when we let our thoughts shift on that horizontal line, then the laser beam’s focus keeps jumping all over the place. It loses its power.
So how do you get more focused?
First, it’s about noticing where you are pointing your laser beam, where you are putting your attention? We mistakenly believe there is a correlation between outcome and worrying. The more I worry and care about how something goes, the more likely it will go well. The opposite is true. Worrying makes our attention jump all over the place, we are so busy scratching itches, that we lose focus. Bringing your attention on what is in front of you, right now, in this moment is so much more productive and allows you to put all your creative potential into the task at hand.
That task might be sitting down to feed your kid, taking your dog for a walk, or cleaning the house, or it could be a project at work, an email you are writing, or a meeting you are sitting in.
Bringing your full attention to the present moment pierces through that buffer of thought and allows you to notice. How is my dog doing? How connected am I to my kid right now - I wonder how they are, what they might need? What is that other person really saying and what are they not saying? It also allows you to notice who you are being, where your attention is, and how that is affecting your experience.
When we come back to the present moment, we find relief from the suffering our horizontal thinking creates, we become less distracted and more aware of what is going on around us and within us.
What is the Magic?
Back in the early days of my career, I went to a presentation class called Performing with Presence. I think that title encapsulates the magic. High performance comes from being present. High performance is born out of clarity and clarity naturally comes from a clear mind. When you point the laser beam of your mind on the thing in front of you, the people, the task, the environment it’s amazing how much you notice.
The more you notice, the broader your perspective gets. You start to notice how other people in your life are doing. You pick up on their moods and needs. You notice what’s working in your life and what’s not. You notice your relationships and your role in creating them.
It's in the power of the present moment that we see and hear solutions, we get ideas for how things could be, and we get inspired. It's like we take a little vacation from our busy-mindedness and step back and see things as they really are. In many ways when we bring our attention to the present moment, it’s like tuning into a radio station, all that fuzzy distortion goes away and we hear our wisdom with crystal clear clarity. We start to know what to do, what is needed, and what direction to take.
As we become more aware, we become more connected to our lives, more engaged in it. We stop seeing life as being done to us, we stop seeing an endless stream of problems and start to bring more clarity to our circumstances.
Try it out for yourself.
Wake up. Put down the phone. Point your laser beam in a direction and stick with it. Stop with the horizontal thinking every now and then and see what you notice. The more you practice these little moments of waking up, the more you will notice when you are lost in that horizontal, unproductive thinking.
The present moment is the most powerful place to hang out. It’s where the magic happens.
Get in touch, what you do you notice when you tried this out for yourself? melanie@therestorativecoach.com
Four Ways You Can Work With Me
Group Training Program: Personal Power Workshop
Interested in feeling less stressed? Curious about tapping into another source of ideas and inspiration, beyond that heavy, intellectual thinking? Want to stand on more solid ground and feel more secure in yourself?
I am running my Personal Power Program again, starting Friday, 12pm EST on May 6. It will run for 5 weeks and costs $295. Check out the details and sign up here. Space is limited.
Testimonial from a prior participant:
“Spending an hour with Mel and the other amazing women in the workshop was the highlight of my week. It was the only meeting I refused to be overbooked for. I am grateful to have given myself the gift of that one hour per week for self-exploration and consideration of other insights. It helped me recognize that it is only in these quiet spaces that we find our personal power, our creativity, and the clarity needed to make sense of the otherwise craziness of our week. I highly recommend giving yourself the very same gift. Mel is a magician at this craft of helping us find these things within ourselves.”
Attitudinal Assessment
I am a certified Energy Leadership Master Practitioner, I run a proprietary attitudinal assessment that gives you an insight into how your beliefs and perceptions influence how you react to stress, and how you show up on a good day. What are some of your habitual reactions to life and how do these help or hinder you? It costs $350 and the price includes the assessment itself and a 90 minute personalized debrief highlighting your results. You can learn more here.
One-on-One Intensive
I offer intensives for my one-on-one clients who want quick results. We take 5-6 hours over the space of a week or weekend. You will gain a deep understanding of yourself, your experience and you will see a shift in your consciousness. From that higher place, you can define what you want to create, and we can co-create a coaching program to deliver those results. Price is based on the specific needs of the client and if we incorporate the attitudinal assessment or not.
One-on-One Coaching Programs
I provide 3 and 6-month coaching programs for one-on-one clients. You set the goal, we create the agreement together and we will explore how a shift in perspective can help you get unstuck and back in the driving seat of your life. Contact me to discuss.
melanie@therestorativecoach.com
