Finding Perspective in a Full Moon
Clients often struggle with making decisions or knowing what next step to take. They get caught up in 'what if' thought loops that only create more confusion. This week, I reflect on how cultivating a quiet, settled state of mind is the simple answer to tackling anything life throws at you.
There was a full moon rising over Whaley Lake last week. As I descended the steps to the back of the house on Tuesday night, the moon greeted me at eye level. Its large, yellow face, smiling back at me, shimmering its light across the lake.
It was a sight to behold. I stood there for a moment to take it in. I smiled back at its shiny face and said hello. It looks, to me, like the moon is alive, a living, breathing entity. Perched in the sky, inviting us to raise our gaze from the minutia of our problems, to step back and ponder life.
It felt restorative to look at the moon, to take in its magnificence, sitting there in an infinite sky, little dots of light puncturing the darkness, giving a taste of what may lie behind the veil of night.
There is something about standing under the vastness of the universe that seems to shrink my concerns into nothing; it stills my mind. It cleanses my lenses on life and allows me to see more clearly what is true, waking me up from the illusion of what isn't, a reminder that all my worries and fears are a creation of my imagination.
It's a wake-up call, a cool shower on a hot day, a sweet treat after a savory meal. It's a tonic for the soul. And I notice that my perspective shifts as my mind settles; the problem or concern I had been so zoomed in on, that seemed big, heavy, and complex, suddenly seems smaller and simpler and easier.
I met with a couple of clients last week who have been struggling with making decisions. Their mind tries to help them by running through the same thought loop again and again, cycling through the "ifs and buts" like rewinding a movie and watching the same scene over and over, expecting a different result, but always leading to the same conclusion - indecision, uncertainty, tension. I don't know if we were taught to use our minds like that, but we do, and it's not the most helpful approach to solving problems, making decisions, or finding simple solutions. And yet, we are very committed to trying to nail a square peg into a round hole; we use brute force and pressure to find answers, neither of which seem to work that well.
When we pause to take in the moon, it stills the mind, and with that, we see the bigger picture of life, we see things more clearly, and our perspective widens. But here's the thing: you can find that perspective within yourself at any moment, whether there is a full moon or not. It's not the moon that creates the perspective but the settling down of the mind. When our thoughts are settled, when our breathing is relaxed and smooth, when we bring our attention to the present moment, like taking in the moon, we stop rewinding the same old thought loop, and it's like we open a door in our minds for wisdom and perspective to flow in and cleanse our thinking.
Recognize Your State of Mind
It's helpful to recognize within yourself the different states of mind. It's easier to notice the extremes. So take a moment for yourself now, and consider what it feels like when your mind is tense, stressed, and insecure. My mind tells stories that make me feel hopeless, frightened, and irrational. My mind makes things look complicated, difficult, and challenging. I worry about what might go wrong; my mind creates incredible stories of death and despair. Trying to decide or find a solution in that state doesn't get me anywhere other than more confused.
What does it feel like when your mind is relaxed and open? How do you know? What qualities do you experience? From that perspective, how do you tend to approach challenging things?
For me, it’s a sense that I may not know what to do now, but I trust that the answers will come. I feel the ease of knowing everything will work out, and I enjoy a helpful flow of thoughts and a perspective I hadn't considered before.
Go outside tonight and look at the moon for a moment, put your attention on what you are seeing (and not on your thinking), and see what difference it makes to your lenses on life. Do you feel reassured and comforted? Do you feel a sense of peace?
And then I invite you to get curious.
Which state of mind do you find most effective?
What might be different if you could cultivate that state at will?
How can you find that stillness within yourself without looking at the moon?
What can you do or not do to help your mind settle and relax?
The most helpful and effective method I have found is being present, bringing my attention away from the noise and stories that run through my head to the present moment. Meditation is a way to strengthen my resolve to focus more on the here and now and detach my attention away from the crazy thought trains that come blasting through at times.
We Are Perfectly Designed to Thrive
We haven't been educated about how to use our minds most effectively. We live in a culture of work hard, do more, "if you're not stressed, you're not trying hard enough" mentality. We are told to use grit to push through difficulties; we are taught that we have to push ourselves if we want to get anywhere. It's all innocent, but it's wrong, and it limits people's potential, creativity, and engagement, all the things that most organizations want to foster within their employees.
But the simple truth is, the more stressed, tense, frustrated, and insecure you are, the less able you are to receive all the intelligence, perspective, and creative ideas that naturally flow to us when we are relaxed, present, and calm.
Put simply, we do much better when we are relaxed and at ease. We make better decisions, find more straightforward solutions, find more fulfillment in our work, and common sense prevails.
So what if the only thing that stood between you and realizing your highest potential was a lot of thinking? And all you ever have to do, is notice when you are in a busy, stressed mind and do whatever occurs to you in that moment to relax, to take a step back, to take a breath, and regain some stillness, presence, and perspective. How would your approach to life shift? How would your experience of work and life challenges change if you just kept coming back to a grounded, neutral, relaxed state of mind and let that be your guide?
In reality, you are probably already doing this, all I am doing is making sure you are aware that this is how it works, to make this a conscious part of how you approach life. If you feel stressed or anxious, slow down, take a breather, take your foot off the gas, and allow your mind to settle and see what naturally occurs to you from that perspective.
You will never know unless you try, so go and see for yourself. Cultivate a quiet mind, explore ways to embody peace and stillness within yourself, and then pay close attention to how the nuance of your perspective shifts. Notice the qualities that arise in you from that space.
Contact Me
If you are interested in exploring how coaching might be helpful for you, get in touch, and we can have an initial call to see what might be possible: melanie@therestorativecoach.com
What Is Inspiring Me Right Now
Tara Brach is a mindful meditation teacher with a background in Buddhism. On her podcast, she shares free guided meditations and talks.
In her latest episode, she explores how we can bridge the divide between us and within ourselves. We are often in conflict with ourselves because of a fear-based narrative that tends to keep us small and contained. Fear expands the gap between our truth and our false beliefs, leaving us conflicted and caught up in thought loops that bind us.
In this episode, these words particularly struck me - you can hear them at 15.13 in How Do We Bridge The Divides.
“One shaman said that, and this about our incessant fear thoughts and beliefs, he says, "You talk to yourself too much; you are not unique in that, every one of us does; we maintain our world with our inner dialogue. A person of knowledge is aware that the world will change completely as soon as they stop talking to themselves."
The world will change completely when we stop believing our fear-based beliefs.
The Buddha put it very succinctly: “Take the world of beliefs and opinions in two hands and drop them.”
When we step out of listening to our internal dialogue, when we zoom out of the tight hole our fears squeeze us into, we find relief and perspective, and with that perspective, our whole world can change.
The only thing that causes you suffering is your internal dialogue.
