So, tell me, what is it that you do?
The “Bobs” from the film, Office Space.
Errr, well, I erm, well I…..total blank. My mind constricts, I feel the weight of the question, and I freeze up. How can I not be able to answer that question? I feel like the guy in the film, Office Space, who is desperately trying to justify his existence “…I am good at dealing with people, can’t you understand that? What is wrong with you people?”
You can tell the character on the other side of the desk is feeling stressed, he is worried he can’t articulate his value in a meaningful way. I think that’s what happens to me. I freeze up a little. I feel awkward and tongue-tied. How can I explain what I do in a way that doesn’t sound abstract? What can I talk about that will be meaningful to this person? How do I show them the real value and impact of what I do in a few short sentences? And then the judgment arises - I really should know how to articulate this. Why can’t I feel good about answering this question?
Well, it’s just practice. It’s just giving myself some time to think about how I want to answer that question and also when it comes up, to speak from the heart. To let my knowledge, passion, and experience shine through.
So, what is it that I do?
I take my clients deep within themselves, beyond their insecurities, to who they really are. I help them see where their experience is coming from so they aren’t so consumed by the worries, doubts, stress, and tension in their lives. They learn not to become so affected by it because they stop taking it so seriously. I do that by connecting them to this safe and secure place inside. That place is quiet and peaceful and wise. It’s calm. It’s settled. When they are in this state of mind, they are able to let go of all the things they are trying to control, they stop struggling and resisting, and reacting, and they slow down just enough to see there is simplicity, and clarity waiting for them. When you are grounded in that settled state of mind, new insight and understanding come to you in an easy, graceful way. It feels secure and that security invites creativity and expansion and self-expression. You can untether yourself from the rules and labels you have created that have been holding you back. You feel free to challenge yourself, to be curious, to share your gifts and ideas. It’s the place where your fullest and highest potential lives. It’s a place of purpose and knowing.
Why is this valuable?
For most of my life, I never knew this place existed. Like most people I didn’t understand how my state of mind impacted my experience. I lived my life being guided by my feelings. If I felt fear, I thought it was a cue to step back. If I felt worried about something, I thought it was a sign that it wasn’t a good idea. I didn’t understand I was listening to the wrong cues. I want to be clear, having worries and doubts is all part of the package of being human. They do create opportunities for you to learn about yourself at a deeper level. But most of them are born out of your insecurities, and you don’t have to be directed by them. In fact, if you let your insecurities become your navigational system, you will end up living a constrained and unfulfilled life. You will feel the need to stay safe and avoid discomfort.
Many of us live our lives in the physical or psychological world (see video below). The physical is the external facets of our life; our job, our home, the people we interact with, our environment, our situation. We define ourselves at this level by external labels, our job titles, the roles we play, by our health, and by the way we look. The psychological is the next layer down. It’s where the ego lives. This is where our beliefs, perceptions, moods, thoughts, and feelings live. At this layer, we label ourselves by the experiences we have. I am happy, I am anxious, I am a worrier. We get misguided in two ways. One, we think our beliefs and perceptions are fixed, that they are a part of our personality, and two, we believe them to be an accurate representation of who we are. In reality, this layer is all made of thought, it’s all made up, based on our beliefs and perceptions and it’s all changeable. You are just one thought, one insight away from having a different experience.
At the center is our spirit, our soul. This is our true nature. This is life itself. The core of you is not affected by moods, or by physical ailments. The core of you is your innate wisdom, resilience, and wellbeing. Our spiritual nature will never be rocked by the psychological and the physical layers. It is unwavering in its consistency. When you slow things down, just a little, that creates the space for you to connect to your inner, wise self, to feel fully supported and secure.
My vision for The Restorative coach
That is at the core of my vision for The Restorative Coach - to help people understand their experience, to become aware of their state of mind and the quality of their thinking, and to increase their consciousness so they have a more expansive understanding of themselves and the world. I want to help them see through the illusion of their insecurities, understand how their beliefs and perceptions might be holding them back, and encourage them to see something new about themselves. When people are grounded in their truth, they shift their attention from what they are doing and more toward who they are being. When people have a higher level of consciousness, they feel less stressed, less insecure. They feel more creative, connected and at peace with themselves.
Can you imagine leading from this place at work? If your mind isn’t cluttered with a lot of insecure, stressful thinking - you are much more receptive to seeing creative solutions, understanding what people need, and what the business needs. You become less consumed with your own experience and show up as an inspiring leader for others. When you are grounded, when your vision is more expansive, you start to see nuances about how you or your team are operating. It will allow you to step back and look at the ecosystem of the people, processes, and systems. When you slow everything down - you can see with ease what to do next. When you are grounded you can handle the unknown, the ambiguous, because you know you will have the answers when you need them.
Can you imagine living your life from this grounding? To begin to know who you really are, what you really want out of life, and to feel secure enough to put that out into the world and start to take steps towards it. It’s here that you can fulfill your potential and have a greater impact on those around you, at home and at work.
So if the Bobs were to ask me what I do, this is what I would say: I help people understand themselves and their experience so they can become free from the narrative and labels that constrict them from living a satisfying life. When they are grounded in what is real and true, they can see past the illusion of their insecurities and feel secure enough to fully express themselves and create a life that fulfills them. Now, whether the Bob’s buy that or not is a different question. But that’s not up to me. I can only put out into the world what feels right and true for me and if that speaks to what someone wants help with then great!
I would love to hear from you - was there something in this that resonated with you? Contact me at melanie@therestorativecoach.com
Are you curious about how you can become a better leader? How to reduce your experience of stress and feel more engaged in your work and life?
The Energy Leadership Index Assessment helps you see what your psychological layer looks like and how it’s impacting your satisfaction with life. It measures your beliefs and perceptions and how they influence how you show up on a good day and how you respond to stress. It highlights your strengths, your natural talents as well as the perceptions that are creating stress and limiting your potential. It puts a mirror up to the patterns of thought that are creating your experience. Once you make the unconscious, conscious, you can start to make different choices.
I am offering the Attitudinal Assessment for $195 right now. It includes the assessment, a 90 minute personalized debrief, and a report for you to keep, that highlights your opportunities for realizing more of your potential. Contact me to learn more, melanie@therestorativecoach.com
Further Exploration
Michael Neill is the master of the whiteboard. Here he draws out a visual representation of the physical, psychological and spiritual layers that come together to create our experience.
